I WILL PREVIVE [The Book Of Baps] diary extract, 4 June 2017

HOMEGIRL HOUSE PARTY series (2017)

“Well, now that the baps are done, and just as soon as the rolling stones are hanging around my neck, I’ll be thinking about the what the next groove will be in my art and heart. It’s exciting! I have a little bit of an idea of possible themes and series which have been brewing up top for a while and I’m hoping my ideas will translate into paintings and drawings. I also have some unfinished painting biz to return to. But I think I’m ready to push myself to try and convert potential into reality. You have to believe in the dangling carrot, don’t you? And I see a sea of faces ahead.

Not much of a housebomb to address this weekend, seeing as it’s take two at this game. I’ve chucked some trashy mags and a few of my favourite things in a bag and generally I’m feeling pretty “breezy” about the op on Tuesday. I haven’t even received the admission details yet! Surgery eve for those technicalities it is then. I can do casual, yeah man, yeah man, yeah man. Chill. I can’t flipping wait to be on the other side now though. Again. How many other sides are there? This is it this time, right? I’m asking too many questions to sound confident here. So here my homegirl in no doubt of it at all. It’s Gwen Stefani. She wind it up and make the sweet escape.”

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I WILL PREVIVE [The Book Of Baps] diary extract, 1 June 2017

HOMEGIRL HOUSE PARTY series (2017)

“I took a seat in the waiting room and Annie then Michael then Phil played in the background on Gold FM. Déjà vu? Almost. All the signs seemed good on my unscenic drive there through the blurbs: sunshine on a rainy day, a broken carpark barrier and a cheery receptionist who laughingly remembered my begging performance on the blower. Ha! Hide.

Five days on, Dr. Gallstones appeared to still like me and he cut straight to the chase announcing, “I’m putting you down for category 1 urgency on the public hospital waiting list.” (Dear sweet God, THANK YOU!!!) Then he said, “This is my best recommendation for a YOUNG MUM like you.” Oh, how I laughed in my head. (Sad face on the outside.) Did he not recall my vintage was ’77, and not ’87? Either way, we were straight back to ways of seeing, especially as SUDDENLY I could also see printed signs slagging off my health insurer all over the waiting room. The language of signs is always there. You just have to make sure you are reading it! (New health insurer recommendations for a young mum like me also warmly received.)

So the worst case scenario is a one month wait. S’ok, I’m really good at waiting. Reeeeeally, really good! And if the pain is terrible in the meantime I will just go to emergency at exactly the same hospital anyway and implement plan C. The first day of winter does not look too shabby after all but I can not fully explain the mental tripping involved in this recovery period. High then low: REPEAT. That whole ‘how long is a piece of string’ thing. It’s paralysis. I am looking forward to actually advancing in life instead of continually meeting myself coming backwards. I am looking forward to doing my natural thing and getting back on the paints. I am looking forward to talking about something much more interesting than myself one day soon. So here the people’s homegirl. It’s Heather Small. She colour my life.”

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I WILL PREVIVE [The Book Of Baps] diary extract, 25 May 2017

HOMEGIRL HOUSE PARTY series (2017)

“It’s the end of the week and I’ve got so many questions that need answering. I’ve hounded all my go to gurus for enlightenment and I’m looking and feeling like a mean machine. Tomorrow is the day of reckoning, the big one: a rendezvous with Dr. Gallstones to get the lowdown on the course of action for the rolling stones. I need them gone but at what cost and in what timeframe? So… different surgeon, different hospital. Yay! Keeps it interesting dunnit? I’ve lined up all my questions like bullets and harnessed my inner fighting frog. I’m going in there with balls coz I is needing answers, man!!! And I’m not leaving ’til I get them. That’s it in short-n-sweet. So here my homegirl. It’s Neneh Cherry. She hang in a buffalo stance.”

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I WILL PREVIVE [The Book Of Baps] diary extract, 24 May 2017

HOMEGIRL HOUSE PARTY series (2017)

“One of my favourite things in life at the moment is walking the rugrats to school and childcare. I haven’t done much of it lately for reasons such as: too unwell, foul weather or medical appointments first up. I love walking somewhere over driving. I always have. Exeter hills, Eltham hills, same same. You see so much more on foot than from behind the wheel. You get that great big rush of energy and clarity. You get to be present. And that’s especially true this week where autumn is at its most magic – in the air, in the colour, in the light – and guess what? It all comes for free.

Everyone bangs on about being in the here and now. Whateva… It’s virtually impossible to do all of the time. We all know that. Even keeping a diary has its limitations. You reminisce about the past, you imagine the future, you can’t live exclusively in today. I mean a diary does help to ground you but you will always travel. The only thing you can do is just appreciate those precious things you love NOW, NOW, NOW, and not save them all for later.

After staying up to watch yesterday’s news of innocent children, many of them young girls not much older than mine, being so horribly injured and taken too soon from this world when they were out having fun, I know that I will hold my big girl’s hand a bit tighter this morning on our walk-skip to school together. I will listen closely as she shares her secrets with me. I will be in the now with her. So here my cosmic homegirl. It’s Kučka. She walk with me.”

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I WILL PREVIVE [The Book Of Baps] diary extract, 19 May 2017

HOMEGIRL HOUSE PARTY series (2017)

“Today marks 6 weeks since exchange surgery. Hip hop hooray! The 6 week mark always seems to be the medical start of normality. You are allowed to do anything and everything at this milestone. (I lay on my tummy for a good few minutes last night. Didn’t hurt. But I’m waiting for all the bruising to go before I try to sleep like that.) Most of the green lights refer to housework in my view (apart from swimming if you are lucky enough to have a house with a pool): VAC/MOP/LIFT.

Boring!!! It’s all down there. Down there on the floor. Which coincidentally is exactly where I’ll be later today – on the art gallery floor putting my words out into the air, hoping they’ll fly, not die. I’ve got a general idea of what I’ll be talking about. (CHANGE THE RECORD, LOVE!!!) But I wrote myself some notes just in case I get lost on a tangent as is so often the case. Be nice to me because I go red easily! So here my well practised homegirl. It’s Jennifer Lopez. She on the floor.”

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I WILL PREVIVE [The Book Of Baps] diary extract, 17 May 2017

HOMEGIRL HOUSE PARTY series (2017)

“Today is St. Pascale’s Day. S’true. Not a lot of people know that. If I lived on “The Continent” and in a Catholic country then I would probably be showered in presents and cash today. Nice! But no, sadly I don’t. Boo. Instead I’m making a business trip back in to the city to see Dr. Plastic for my 6 week post surgery check up. It’s back to baps serious biz.

Tummy has been well behaved for two days straight. I’ve avoided cakes and choc and cheese but did have a medicinal glass of port last night. The silver lining is that alcohol seems to be having zero nasty effects on me so, my God, it was lush!

I’ve got some questions for Dr. Plastic when I see her.

1/ Can I sleep on my tummy now? (I road tested it quickly and it feels ok *I think*.)

2/ Do I need more fat grafting? (I noticed a full on ripple effect when I leaned sideways when drying my hair. Pretty sure this is standard when the fat duvet/doona over your implants is so thin.)

3/ Can I get fitted for a bra? (I’m wearing stretchy bralettes.)

4/ Can I stop wearing a bra at night?

5/ When will the bruising go? (Under the right bap.)

6/ Can I go swimming now?

7/ Will my right arm nerve pain go away?

8/ What is my general anaesthetic recipe because I might need it for possible gallstones surgery?

9/ Did the bap job trigger the gallstones or is that pure shitty coincidence?

S’all, Doc. So here my narcissistic homegirl. It’s Santigold. She can’t get enough of herself.”

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I WILL PREVIVE [The Book Of Baps] diary extract, 12 May 2017

HOMEGIRL HOUSE PARTY series (2017)

“The day started with a small crime scene. Big rugrat had another nosebleed in the night so there was her bed and the loo to deal with and before I knew it I was cleaning and washing everything in sight like some sorta desperate housewife. Tummy was still totes yuck but improved and little rugrat skipped into daycare with her meds. Phew. By the end of the day I could feel the baps again: bap-tummy pain equilibrium had been restored in some kinda small triumph! I called for the scan results but they were not back.

Soooo… turns out I’m not doing an artist talk today after all. Don’t go to Montsalvat! I GOT THE WRONG DAY. Please come next Friday at 1pm. Just imagine talking yourself silly about the mental trip from boobs to rocks to baps into a great big empty void. Who would do something like that???!!! I duly updated all posts to 19 May and deleted my talk eve reminder. Apologies! S’ok – I’ll post the same reminder next week. You’ll be seeing double.

So what an idiot! I’m very confused at the moment and it means I’m not reading things properly, and I do have an alarming track record of doing this under stress. The example that first springs to mind is the time I FAILED TO TURN OVER MY DEGREE FINAL EXAM PAPER for the remaining third of a French/English translation on Roland Garros. When everyone started discussing Martina Hingis afterwards I felt seriously sick with stupidity as the penny dropped. I subsequently loathed tennis for 5 years until I moved to Melbourne and the Australian Open wiped the slate clean with its 30 degree nights and bouncy blue courts. So don’t be stoopid this weekend kids! Stay woke. Here my homegirl. It’s Ashanti. She foolish.”

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I WILL PREVIVE [The Book Of Baps] diary extract, 11 May 2017

HOMEGIRL HOUSE PARTY series (2017)

“Some days you just wish had never happened. The sun was big and warm. The sky was blue. Perfecto! The rest was total cack. Oooooh tummy was so unimpressed at drinking the litre of piss. I actually don’t know what piss tastes like but if I was going to imagine the taste then that pale yellow drink I sipped over the course of an hour would be it for sure. The scan was all right, far less awful than an MRI. You’ve still got to get your kit off though and I’m getting tired of that. It’s just not sexy. There are definitely no heart shaped cut outs in a medical gown.

Little rugrat was suddenly sick with the croup in the morning so we both nursed our ailments at home all afternoon. Thank you so much for the sick kid, God. So helpful! Tummy has been horribly foul and nasty to me. And Eat Fit Food has come to an end!!! Please. No. Can’t be. I “cooked” for the first time in weeks (fishfingers) and put the rugrats in front of a movie. I think that’s called cheating but I had nothing left to give. The radio announced that Robert Miles had died; a small part of first year looniversity in me died in that moment. So then when I tried to open the (medicinal) bottle of lemonade from the fridge and couldn’t coz of my stoopid boobs, I cracked and cried. It’s been a while since some blubs but the main thing is I’m over the hump in the week and today can’t be any worse, can it?! Here my homegirl. It’s Kelela. She can’t rewind.”

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I WILL PREVIVE [The Book Of Baps] diary extract, 10 May 2017

HOMEGIRL HOUSE PARTY series (2017)

“The mummy on the bus say tummy ain’t right, tummy ain’t right, tummy ain’t right. The mummy on the bus say tummy ain’t right, all day long. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it’s really getting to me now and I just want the pain show to be over. I don’t think I remember normal and I’m sure my tummy is acting as a TENS machine for the discomfort in my baps because I hardly even notice those new things! Tummy is giving me a horrible headache. Involuntary stress twitch is back in left eye. Right arm still dodgy. Pourquoi moi??? It’s all very galling (a very bad jeu des mots for anyone speaking Franglais). I’m seeing Dr. Gallstones in two weeks. This morning I won’t get breakfast (it’s the second fasting Wednesday running) but a dollop of radiation via a CT scan instead. Yum yum bubble gum. Then I’m guessing Lady Doc will call me with all the test results later this week. Please let it only be gallstones! What AM I going to talk about when I start feeling well again?! It’s a complete mystery. So here my grumpy homegirl. She looks a lot like me at the moment. It’s Syd Tha Kyd. She walking the tightrope in your circus.”

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I WILL PREVIVE [The Book Of Baps] diary extract, 4 May 2017

HOMEGIRL HOUSE PARTY series (2017)

“I’ll start with the high since tonight is the opening night of What Lies Beneath and no-one can put a downer on that! Disco flares at the ready, hip hop hooray! Yes, I’m WELL UP for going ‘out out’ where there will be wine and people I love and I’m temporarily ditching the Nineties (don’t worry, they’ll be back) to live in the moment. So in the spirit of being present in the now here my homegirl from this decade. It’s Ngaiire. She get a buzz on the bubblegum bubble.”

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