I WILL PREVIVE [The Book Of Baps] diary extract, 17 May 2017


“Today is St. Pascale’s Day. S’true. Not a lot of people know that. If I lived on “The Continent” and in a Catholic country then I would probably be showered in presents and cash today. Nice! But no, sadly I don’t. Boo. Instead I’m making a business trip back in to the city to see Dr. Plastic for my 6 week post surgery check up. It’s back to baps serious biz.

Tummy has been well behaved for two days straight. I’ve avoided cakes and choc and cheese but did have a medicinal glass of port last night. The silver lining is that alcohol seems to be having zero nasty effects on me so, my God, it was lush!

I’ve got some questions for Dr. Plastic when I see her.

1/ Can I sleep on my tummy now? (I road tested it quickly and it feels ok *I think*.)

2/ Do I need more fat grafting? (I noticed a full on ripple effect when I leaned sideways when drying my hair. Pretty sure this is standard when the fat duvet/doona over your implants is so thin.)

3/ Can I get fitted for a bra? (I’m wearing stretchy bralettes.)

4/ Can I stop wearing a bra at night?

5/ When will the bruising go? (Under the right bap.)

6/ Can I go swimming now?

7/ Will my right arm nerve pain go away?

8/ What is my general anaesthetic recipe because I might need it for possible gallstones surgery?

9/ Did the bap job trigger the gallstones or is that pure shitty coincidence?

S’all, Doc. So here my narcissistic homegirl. It’s Santigold. She can’t get enough of herself.”