I WILL PREVIVE [The Book Of Baps] diary extract, 29 May 2017


“You were always on the run, never still.” Something else Mum wrote to me. I think that’s about right. I used to run everywhere as a kid, right up until running cross country in my early teens (early 1990s). There is cinefilm that exists somewhere of my childhood where I am mostly a speeding blur that cuts across the frame. Hard to believe now but s’true.

Competing at cross country in a British winter was not the most fun thing ever for a sun loving lizard with poor blood circulation: cold, wet mud, bloody scratches on legs from the brambles, a red raw face and wobbly thighs from the freezing wind, hands blue and dysfunctional. Right up there with playing Goal Defence in netball in fact, brambles aside! P.E. people stick you in that position if you have tall girl syndrome. You soon come to realise: hate, hate, hate! So then I stopped.

After stopping I would say that I started running in my head. Yep it’s a jungle in there. Why do I think so much? Too much. Way too much. It can be exciting but it’s tiring, too. A mental workout every day and around the clock. The upshot is I’m driving myself crazy from overthinking in the house of pain. I’m sick of being sick. I’m sick of being stuck. I’m sick of being me!
But it is nearly over and there are just two more sleeps until tummy fix. Baps are doing great, really great. Still tight but great. On Saturday night I thought to myself, “What are you waiting for? You should be up and running! The bruising won’t change anything. Get on your tummy and sleep on those things before you really can’t again for a while.” So I did! First time in 10 months!!! Hip hop hooray! Oh my god. It was totes amazeboobs and my mind ran away straight to my wildest dreams. How’s that for Monday motivation? So here my all saintly, artfully dodging homegirl. It’s Melanie Blatt. She twenty four seven.”


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May 29, 2017