ASHANTI (2017)

I WILL PREVIVE [The Book Of Baps] diary extract, 12 May 2017


“The day started with a small crime scene. Big rugrat had another nosebleed in the night so there was her bed and the loo to deal with and before I knew it I was cleaning and washing everything in sight like some sorta desperate housewife. Tummy was still totes yuck but improved and little rugrat skipped into daycare with her meds. Phew. By the end of the day I could feel the baps again: bap-tummy pain equilibrium had been restored in some kinda small triumph! I called for the scan results but they were not back.

Soooo… turns out I’m not doing an artist talk today after all. Don’t go to Montsalvat! I GOT THE WRONG DAY. Please come next Friday at 1pm. Just imagine talking yourself silly about the mental trip from boobs to rocks to baps into a great big empty void. Who would do something like that???!!! I duly updated all posts to 19 May and deleted my talk eve reminder. Apologies! S’ok – I’ll post the same reminder next week. You’ll be seeing double.

So what an idiot! I’m very confused at the moment and it means I’m not reading things properly, and I do have an alarming track record of doing this under stress. The example that first springs to mind is the time I FAILED TO TURN OVER MY DEGREE FINAL EXAM PAPER for the remaining third of a French/English translation on Roland Garros. When everyone started discussing Martina Hingis afterwards I felt seriously sick with stupidity as the penny dropped. I subsequently loathed tennis for 5 years until I moved to Melbourne and the Australian Open wiped the slate clean with its 30 degree nights and bouncy blue courts. So don’t be stoopid this weekend kids! Stay woke. Here my homegirl. It’s Ashanti. She foolish.”


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May 12, 2017